History of New Mexico Alternative Communities
Overview • Venues • Artisans • Groups • Events • Media • Individuals

ClubFEM–Albuquerque, commonly called ClubFEM-ABQ, was a role-specific social organization dedicated to Female Dominant/male submissive relationships. It operated as an Albuquerque chapter of ClubFEM International, an organization whose name was derived from “Females Enslaving Males.” <a> <b>

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Head Mistress Silverthorn founded and led the Albuquerque chapter. According to her account on the ClubFEM-ABQ website <a> and her Fetlife Page <c>, she first encountered ClubFEM while living in Seattle during the early 1990s. She corresponded with ClubFEM cofounder slave gene and attended private gatherings centered on Female Dominant/male submissive relationships. After moving to Albuquerque, she participated in the area’s pansexual BDSM community but missed the intimacy and concentration of role-specific FemDom gatherings.  Silverthorn contacted ClubFEM-Houston in 2008 and received permission from Head Mistress Ella to form an Albuquerque chapter. A simple ClubFEM-ABQ website and contact page appeared that year. A serious automobile accident delayed Silverthorn’s plans, and the chapter did not begin operating until late 2009.  The first ClubFEM-ABQ munch was held on November 8, 2009. The following day, Silverthorn reported in the national ClubFEM FetLife group <d> that 19 people had attended for Italian food and conversation. The turnout produced an unusual reversal of the gender balance commonly associated with Female Domination groups: fifteen of the nineteen attendees were women, while only four were men, and only one man attended without his Lady. Silverthorn humorously concluded that the chapter needed people to send “single submissive gentlemen to New Mexico.” <d> NM FetLifers Community Calendar <b> identifies “ClubFEM-ABQ Munch #2” on November 15, 2009. 

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Organization and Membership

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ClubFEM-ABQ was more formally structured than many informal munch groups. Silverthorn served as its Head Mistress, a leadership role approved within the larger ClubFEM structure. An Executive Committee reviewed membership applications and helped make organizational decisions.  Prospective members generally had to attend at least two public socials before applying. This allowed existing members to become acquainted with newcomers before inviting them into private homes and play spaces. Applications included contact information, relevant experience, and any questions or concerns. Identification was required before attendance at a private play party. Annual membership dues were $20, with additional donations helping pay for the website, printing, party supplies, and rental of play space.  A March 2010 business meeting referred to the chapter’s Executive Committee, further demonstrating that ClubFEM-ABQ operated as a structured membership organization.

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Public munches served as the principal entry point into the organization. They were intentionally kept “vanilla enough” to protect participants who were not publicly open about their BDSM interests. People who were curious about Female Dominant or male submissive relationships could attend without already having extensive experience.

Private parties were generally restricted to members and specifically invited guests. The organization emphasized confidentiality and screening, particularly because many events took place in members’ homes.

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ClubFEM-ABQ welcomed adults over twenty-one without regard to age, race, body size, body shape, experience, or relationship status. Its website offered mentoring to newcomers and noted that its average participant was at least 40 years old.

This chapter maintained strict identity and role boundaries with their website defining Women as physically female and men as physically male. This trans-exclusive stance caused significant controversy and shockwaves in the community. Dominant men and submissive Women were not eligible for membership. Switches could participate, but only if they remained in the Female Dominant or male submissive role throughout ClubFEM events. <b> <e>  These policies illustrate how an alternative-community organization could be intentionally inclusive along some dimensions while maintaining firm—and, by later standards, controversial—boundaries around sex, gender, and role.  

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People

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Silverthorn was the chapter’s founder, Head Mistress, principal organizer, and most frequent public contact. Other people appearing as hosts, organizers, presenters, or early contacts included:

• phinni, Silverthorn’s boy, who helped with finances and hosting

• GoddessDeSade and slave greg, frequent hosts, with greg also creating party games

• Lady Golden and slave lou, (of House Golden), hosts and educational contributors

• Mistress Lucinda, who provided an early meeting location

• MsB and Albq_Domme, who appeared as early chapter contacts

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Munches, Parties, and Service

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NM FetLifers Community Calendar <b> preserves 78 clearly ClubFEM-branded records between November 2009 and April 2014. These include approximately 41  public munches or socials, 32 private or play-oriented parties, two business meetings, educational programs, and charitable fundraising activities. Because the calendar does not cover the chapter’s complete history, these figures represent the surviving record rather than the organization’s total activity through 2018. Public gatherings took place at numerous Albuquerque restaurants. Luigi’s Ristorante on Fourth St was an especially frequent location. Other venues included Flying Star, JR’s or JB’s BBQ, Jason’s Deli, Cervantes, Furr’s, and El Norteño. Private activities moved among members’ homes in southwest and southeast Albuquerque. These gatherings included private dungeons and play areas, swimming pools, hot tubs, potluck meals, barbecues, holiday parties, birthday celebrations, and housewarmings. Beginning in June 2013, Silverthorn and phinni hosted several gatherings at their home in Edgewood while the chapter continued holding public munches in Albuquerque.

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This chapter’s events expressed Female Dominant/male submissive relationships through both BDSM and personal service. Its website explained that sadomasochistic play was permitted but was not the organization’s central purpose. Private gatherings placed particular emphasis on submissive men serving and pampering Dominant Women, while participation in BDSM play remained optional. Tea parties featured submissive men serving food and drinks. A 2012 Pampering and Spa Party taught male submissives ways to provide personal service to Dominant Women. Other activities included Valentine’s Day and Halloween parties, birthday celebrations, games created by slave greg, and a medical-sounds demonstration presented by Lady Golden.

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Education and Community Service

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Although ClubFEM International was principally a social organization, the Albuquerque chapter occasionally provided formal education. In October 2012, Lady Golden, GoddessDeSade, and Silverthorn presented a community-accessible “FemDomme 101” workshop. Its announcement stated that the presenters had more than sixty years of combined experience and that 195 people had joined the chapter’s FetLife group (which no longer exists).  The announcement carefully described FemDomme 101 as a local initiative rather than an official ClubFEM International program. This distinction suggests that the Albuquerque leadership was willing to expand beyond the parent organization’s customary social function while still respecting its organizational boundaries.

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ClubFEM-ABQ also participated in community service. Silverthorn used her December 2011 birthday gathering to collect donations for Animal Humane and Watermelon Ranch. In June 2012, Nancy Ava Miller allowed ClubFEM to hold a community rummage sale in the parking lot of the PEP office at 149 Jackson Street NE. Proceeds were divided between the same animal-rescue organizations. This rummage sale provides a documented connection among ClubFEM, PEP, Nancy Miller, and the wider Albuquerque alternative-community network. ClubFEM events were also promoted through New Mexico FetLifers, the New Mexico Leather League Yahoo list, the “Albuquerquies” Yahoo list, and the ClubFEM-ABQ FetLife group. ​This chapter’s website described Albuquerque as having a diverse and thriving BDSM community and linked to New Mexico FetLifers, the New Mexico Leather League, Alternative Erotic Lifestyles, Self Serve, and Kinkyspot.com. <a>

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Organizational Challenges

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The chapter periodically faced problems familiar to small alternative-community organizations, particularly the loss of safe private venues. In January 2011, after losing both locations previously used for private parties, ClubFEM-ABQ held a public business meeting to discuss membership, advertising, recruitment, potential venues, and whether the chapter could continue operating. The organization recovered from that disruption, found new hosts, and continued holding events. Its later move into homes in Edgewood also demonstrates how an organization’s geographic footprint could shift in response to the availability of trusted hosts and private space.

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Closure and Legacy

A final ClubFEM event presently identified in the New Mexico FetLifers Community Calendar <b> was a private party on April 26, 2014. This was once believed to be a possible boundary for the chapter’s history, but Silverthorn’s later FetLife profile provides a more complete account. Silverthorn states that she served as Head Mistress of the Albuquerque chapter from 2009 until 2018. She retired from the position and closed ClubFEM-ABQ before moving with her husband to Fort Mohave, Arizona. Her account establishes 2018 as the chapter’s closing year, although the precise date and circumstances of its final event have not yet been identified.  This chapter’s independent website remained online with largely unchanged content through March 2016, after which the domain became a parked or expired page. Its disappearance preceded the organization’s reported closure, demonstrating that the loss of a group’s website does not necessarily mark the end of its offline activity.

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In retirement, Silverthorn described serving as Head Mistress as one of the major highlights of an approximately thirty-year involvement in kink. She remembered beginning in the Seattle and Vancouver, British Columbia, Leather and BDSM scenes of the early 1990s and valued the parties, workshops, crafts, relationships, and community expectations she encountered during that period. She also expressed disappointment with later changes in community behavior, particularly the loss of strong expectations surrounding discretion and the prohibition against publicly outing participants.

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ClubFEM-ABQ operated for approximately nine years. <d> <f> Its surviving history documents a combination of formal organization, public recruitment, private vetting, role-specific identity, education, service, BDSM play, personal relationships, and community philanthropy. It also illustrates the importance of specialized organizations within the broader alternative-community ecosystem. ClubFEM-ABQ gave Dominant Women and submissive men a space in which their particular relationship structure was central rather than peripheral to a larger pansexual BDSM community.

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Sources: clubfem-abq.com on web.archive.net <a>, NMFL Google Community Calendar Worksheets by the NM Alternative Communities History Project <b>, Silverthorn’s FetLife profile and retrospective account of ClubFEM-ABQ, accessed 2026 - fetlife.com/Silverthorn <c>, “First ClubFEM-Albuquerque munch!” ClubFEM—Females Enslaving Males FetLife group, November 9, 2009 - fetlife.com/groups/8182/posts/367627 <d>, Discussions Sera Miles (Aug2026) <e>, clubfem-abq on web.archive.net 2008–2016 <f>, Find a Munch: New Mexico directory
ClubFEM—Females Enslaving Males FetLife group <g>.